Fan Mail

Comments by Jonathan Chance are in RED

Many people have asked where I got the numbers for the "There are over 3,814 Covens and 423 Satanic Cults known to exist in the U.S.!" statement. It's simple! My middle name is Chad. If A=1 and B=2, then 3814 spells Chad. My date of birth is April 23rd - read 423.

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Jonathan, I just read your site, and I must say, your Halloween pamphlet reads like it could have been written by my mother! Your page amused me a lot.... i'd show it to my mom, but she would agree with it and write an email that would end up on the "just nuts" section. Hehehehehe. Keep it up! And how about a page satirizing the anti-gay sites? Me and my friends would get a kick outta that. :-)

Sincerely, Artemyss

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Well, First, I mailed you like a month ago telling you (I think it was something like this) What stupid Fundie assholes you were. Of course, I found the "Halloween" section through a search and had no clue as to the true nature of it. Just now I found the hate mail page and was TOTALLY confused by the reaction of people writing in comparison to yours ("What religion?" "My Christian beliefs?", etc.);so, i dropped part of the addy, ended up at the main site and went "no way!!!". I immediately started to roar with laughter (not at the content of the HW section, I still think it's offensive, but at my own lightning hatemail reflexes). I have to admit you guys got me good! You've made me think about my own impulsiveness in rattling off insults without further investigation. NEVER will I make that mistake again!!!

Blessings and ROFLMFAO,
Rowan Hawthorne

Thanks Mr. Hawthorne. You have made my whole point more clearly than I ever could!

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So we gathered the entire family around the monitor to share in it's flickering glow and marvel at the glory of your page.

Thank god for intelligent people. I so often find myself chanting throughout the day, "the world is full of idiots," and it frightens me. Those of us with an IQ greater than that of a grape's are quickly becoming a dying breed. (This is extremely disappointing since we've worked so hard as a culture to rise above the dark ages...just had to add one of my prfound comments about society.)

I think that the comments from people who are offended make me laugh the most. Nothing inspires humor more than a bunch of hypocrites, "screaming" out oxymorons. I say keep it up. Give their pathetic little lives something to whine about.

Long live satire!
Kristen Helmer

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Hello! I ran into your page through i friend of mine and read most of it, came back today and read as much mail as i could take. But i find it funny as all hell! How someone could post something as entertainment, and so many people would take it as seriously to place curses on you. Hmm, i guess its good for ratings. The only thing that pisses me off about you is the fact that you have had sooo many more people at your site then mine. I guess i should start posting my opinoins about touchy stuff and watch the hate mail come in, as well as my little counter on the bottom of my page.. Its something to try i guess...
well, your page brightened my day, keep it up.

~Eagle

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Your pages are a riot... Thanks for the laughs! - David Chernofsky

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those hate mail people have serious problems. i think the death threats are a nice addition, and my favorite is probably the winking jesus. truly excellent work... :) im only just realising how many people in the world should be living in a psych ward for the next few centuries. so yeah, just thought id send a note to say congrats. CONGRATS! one of my friends has done a picture of santa claus in her major work. he's this huge evil white guy with a little black child with malnutrition chained to him. heheheee....
anywho, keep up the good work. (though the ankh is a ancient egyptian sign of life.) its good to know there are people with a sense of humour still. and if i had some, i'd definately send you some money to cover funeral expenses, and set up a memorial. :)
also, please DONT let yourself get converted. hmmm.. perhaps you should start up your own church.

Bob Wright

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Just wanted to drop a note and say that I really like your site. Here, at least, is one Wiccan who a) thinks you're hilarious and b) can find the capslock key.

I worry that some of those who object to your Halloween tract try the same tactics on someone who's actually serious, thereby adding even more fuel to the fire. Whee. I liked the impromptu history lessons from some of your detractors too, when it was obvious from the content of the tract (one of the better-informed ones I've seen; I recall the Chick tract that mentioned Druids using pumpkins, when pumpkins are native to North America) that you'd done a bit of research already. Heh.

I've seen the "How to Be a Good Wife" before--on a friend's dorm room door at Smith College. I guess it was sort of a "Look how far we've come" thing, that something like that is funny now. Or maybe what's funny is that we were once supposed to think that way.

Maybe ideals can't function in the real world unless tempered with humor. Although, the hate mail was in a sense the funniest page on the site. It's almost enough to turn this Wiccan Catholic. ;)

-g

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Man oh man, your site is so funny but the hate mail is even funnier! Actually, it kinda scares me that so many people freaked out like that. To all the the people that freaked out I would like to say: Whoa down big train. Frigg-a-ligg. Oh yeah, you should write about my cat, she was raised buy a minister and she pure evil and she has really bad breath.

From,
Amanda (some one that doesn't know you and at the same time doesn't hate you)

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For 10 years I belonged to Post 666 of the American Legion.

It was a hoot, I had the hat, I thought about the jacket

I love your pages, keep up the good work.

Do not publish your picture or your address. Those people are serious idiots.

Pierre

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I have read your page and the large amount of mails you have received. I looks like you achieved what you set out to do, ACTUALLY GET A RESPONSE FROM PEOPLE. Oh by GOD (oopss) you did get a big response. Everything is writen in such a manner that anyone can get offended. Damn its good. I never stop being amazed at how strong people can sometimes about their beliefs.

Frankly most of the nasty mails you have received are from simple minded folk. If they were so strong in their beliefs nothing you or I could say would bother them in the slightest. They would mearly pass over your page as insignificant.

I truely believe all the mails you got were from Want-to-be idiots. Its high fashion to pretend to be a witch, evil, a satanist, to threaten, to curse someone, to believe in Crowley, to quote Dante, to write in script or code. Its usually the shallow that do it.

I wish these people luck in their directionless lives. Keep it up, someone has got to be the dregs of society.

PS: If wonder how many people will get the meaning of this mail.

Gavinx McShera

Mr. McShera writes back:

Incredible.

I sent a mail previously praising your ability to get people to respond, I also could not understand how people got so upset by what you wrote. I figured the whole thing was very funny. Well now, I am disturbed now that I managed to get through all your mails.

Almost every person that wrote a mail in disagreement was full of hate. Catholics at the center of it all, putting everyone down and understanding you are misguided ( how kind of them ). Pagans bitching about being misunderstood and shouting, "What about the Catholics, they're bad" Witches and sundry getting all upset because they sleep in the nude and saying but what about the Satanists. Satanists proclaiming to be nice and cute and throwing curses at you from a great height.

Frankly I would be tired of it all, if I were you. ( Which I'm not, thank god or some celestially challenged thing )

Actually, I dont know why I bothered writing this. There is no way what I say is going to change these people.
Defeatist I know but hey!

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hahahahhahahahahahahahahahaahaaaa. loved the halloween shit and the santa deal. you're so funny. i had a really good laugh. i also read people's comments. holy fucked up wierdos batman! just thought i'd say i had a good time visiting your site and keep up the good work!
meat el grandre

Leyla Mansour

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This site is hilarous!!!
LOL
Anyway, I loved the Santa Claus article, sounds like something someone would actually believe. As a witch I apoligise for my fellow witches who got all mad about the Halloween article. We are overly sensitive about this stuff, because a lot of people actually post this bull as facts. Poor pathetic people actually believe it....

Caliana

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Some people don't get simple satire.
How did I get to your page?? Well.....ANOTHER member of a mailing list I belong to went off "This guy defames Witchcraft! OH boo-hoo!!" And, believe it or not, the guy who said it got flamed for being an idiot.
so, I read the Halloween thingy, I got a kick outta it. The only thing that hurts is that, in my job as mod. for the Pagan Hate Watch mailing list, I actually have come across a site that says almost exactly the same thing your does, only the dude believes it!!!!! If you wanna make your thing look more like one of their tracts, though, you need to put it all on one page, and repeat the same exact phrase over and overagain. It should take 5 mins to load, have a yellow or pale orange background, a maximum of one graphic, be written in red and blue letters in bold!! and abuse the BLINK and H1 tags, they seem to like that!!! Oh, yeah, and talk about how Satan is in the church, and the existance of Catholics (or Jews or Masons) proves it.

So, anyway, for the Wiccans that kvetched at you, here's a tip o' the hat from one who knows how to read to the END of a document.

Blessed Be,
Kaatryn MacMorgan

Thanks Kaatryn. I'm pretty sure you and I have visited some of the same wacked out sites. You are one of many people who tell me the design is all wrong for a "believer". I aggree, but I can't bring myself to create a page that looks THAT shitty. Peace

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I read your website and it was non-stop laughs the whole way through. I especially liked the Santa thing. It was hilarious. You should update your amazingly entertaining website again soon. This has been the most educational and entertaining website I have seen on the internet so far. And trust me, that's saying a lot. I spend about two hours daily surfing parodical, somewhat satanic, pure hillariousness each day. This has been my favourite. Keep up the good work.
BTW, I'm Catholic.

Robert

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Hello, I was reading through your hate mail, and with every letter I felt more resolved about writing you myself. Half of your hate mail had me laughing, just because of its anger and...well...hatred. A year ago I probably would have agreed with all those Wiccans and Pagans, because, I too, was a Wiccan. But, I guess something happened (I'm not sure what), and I had no interest in the occult or even in religion. Does that make me a horrible person? According to some, yes. Maybe I'm an athiest. I don't know. I'm young, I have time to figure it out. Maybe someday I'll become a Christian and believe in the Bible and the Commandments. But that is not really relevant to my point...Actually, I don't think I have a point. Well, I'll make one up then. I was wondering why people could feel such hate for a person they've never met. This one person makes a few site contradicting their own views, and they can muster up hate and feel vengeance for this person. OK, so I don't agree with your views. I believe a lot of them are wrong (in my opinion), but that's no reason to hate.

OK, to all of the Pagans out there: I remember one philosophy I lived by when I was a Wiccan. To live in peace. Harm none, isn't that the main idea of Wicca? All witches and warlocks out there, why do you let a simple web page make you cuss and send hate mail and death threats? And why do you think everyone who doesn't adher to your beliefs is Christian?

To all Christians: I liked the winking Jesus. It gave me giggles, and I saw nothing blasphemous or evil about it. Wouldn't you want Jesus to wink at you?

OK, I just thought I'd put in my input. Sometimes I like to think on things, and this is one of those times. Blessed be, Bless you, etc. Tootles!

AprilCareen

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What can I say. Cool site. Anyway I stumbled across this site on my travels through Cyberspace and stopped to take a closer look. I wouldn't be to concerned about the death treats. .. . . . . I mean c'mon people its only a web site. Still, loved it, and loved Santa's diary.... awesome. Keep up the good work my friend, and I look forward to seeing ya in HELL.

Simon Tracey. (FAN)

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Oh my! This was some experience coming here. A friend of mine demanded that I go here and told me I'd enjoy it...he was right..I laughed my ass off. See, people need to have a sense of humor these days I tell you...I loved the hate mail...all the mail actually, it cracked me up beyong belief..especially you're witty comebacks. I hope that some day some people will be kind enough to pull their heads out of their asses and realize that this page was done in nothing more than good clean fun (well, perhaps not completely clean). Keep up the excellent work and if you ever get anything new, I'd love to be the first to know. damn this site made me laugh..I just had to say it again! Peace and goodwill dude!

Just another brick in the wall,
Abe

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Master!
I bow at your feet!
I laughed till I fell of my chair! Thanks so much for a great site. Have to admit, I almost believed that YOU believed all of this till I saw the Hate Mail section... I was almost one of those losers!
The coven and I would like to offer to be your demigods in Hell. Can we, huh?
Please? Oh alright!

Ever in awe and ever worshipping you,
Yvonne Jansen a.k.a. Brooha13

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Gnarly site. The best part is all the ignorant mail you get! I used to be Wiccan and now, seeing their IDIOTIC responses to your site, I'm double glad I'm not! And as for the Christians (I'm one of them), most seem to take themselves waaaaaaaaaaaaay too seriously. My kids are going to go trick or treating dressed as skeletons and witches, and they're going to sit and watch for Jesus to wink at them.

Good grief. Make more pages. You entertain.

Pink Pajamas

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From: Justin Catanio

I would like to begin by saying that I found your page entertaining. Unfortunately, I found the hate mail frightening. This was not simply because of the threats, but because these people who wrote them were probably serious about the content and their positions. Whats even more more frightening is the fact that these people vote! Auuggghhh! Do these psychopaths have to live on my planet?
Regardless, the winking Jesus is classic! "..Some sort of CGI script..", ohh, someone knows a neat word! Try this one, "Animated Gif." Halloween or 'Hell'oween was also fun. Nasty Santa was over the top, but bless you for excercising your rights to freedom. (Whoops, make that a non-denominational blessing, wouldn't want to offend.) Finally, could people please have enough self respect to at least try use correct spelling and grammar? Sure, e-mail is not a writing exam, but have a little pride!
-Justin

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From: NOVA25Just a liner

JUST FINISHED CHECKING OUT YOUR SITE AND WOW. IT KEPT ME LAUGHING NON STOP. I ESPECIALLY ENJOYED THE SANTA CHRONICLES. I ALWAYS KNEW THERE WAS SOMTHING EVIL ABOUT SANTA. THANKS FOR SHARING YOUR FINDINGS WITH THE REST OF THE WORLD. SERIOUSLY- KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.

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From: FrankJust a liner

Hey Jonathon!
I found a link somewhere during Halloween last year (looking for graphics for my own website) to your Halloween page, and I have to admit that while I was laughing at the sheer stupidity of the "facts," especially the use of the anarchy and ankh symbols as "satanic symbols" (oops...sorry...that MAY BE "satanic symbols"), I started to get aggravated in thinking that whoever wrote it actually BELIEVED it (since you yourself now know there ARE people that stupid)! Then I found the link...and was RELIEVED to see that you were joking around, and for good reason! I went to the other sites and laughed my ass off some more. It wasn't until today (2/6/98) that I checked back to see if the link I put on my links page (to the Santa Exposed site...my FAV) was still working. I went through the hate mail and death threats, and I DON'T envy you! Thank god there were a good number of people who HAD a sense of humor. Whew!

Anyway, I think you should try the alien abduction suggestion, the shoot-a-person/take-a-shooting-class-in-school suggestion (make it NRA propaganda, make it seem more convincing), and the Marilyn Manson one (I like his music, but the way he acts sometimes just BEGS to be messed with)! Hell, I'm gay, and I think the anti-homosexual suggestion would be funny (even funnier would be an anti-HETEROSEXUAL one)! Maybe try something with the Easter Bunny, leprachauns, politicians..maybe even the evils of fairy tales, evils of music (Yanni: New Age Sensation or Satan's House Musician?...or substitute Yanni with the Spice Girls and/or Hanson)! Damn...better quit while I'm ahead!
Keep up the good work! Fuckin' hysterical, dude!
--Frank

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From: bilJust a liner

Wowsers! Those are some heavy sites you got there! I loved the mail though. Anyhow, my voice- Critique: I agree whole heartedly with your efforts. Thinking just seems so cliche these days. But I have to say that (at least on the Halloween site) that finding the p.f.t.p. link was a long way down. It took quite a scroll to get there and I might hazard that some browsers may make it seem as if the page ended long before the link. (I know, an assumption, yadda yadda yadda.) This seems to me to favor the reactions towards believing that the site is intended at face value. An Observation: Gads those wiccans are feisty aren't they? They scream for their liberties and right to freedom of religion and bash against the Satanists in the same breath. Rather hypocritical in my opinion. The wiccan replies were the ones that caused me the most distress. So many of them assumed that _witch_ immediately applied to them. I know wiccans who do not label themselves as witches. I know many witches who would consider being called wiccan fighting words. And then they blathered on about what they thought (having read two neo-pagan books that surmised wiccan holidays in a chapter or two and now are unquestionably experts on ancient traditions) Halloween/Samhain/All Hallow's Eve was REALLY about. You could feel the historical accuracy pouring out of them...(PLEASE read the sarcasm) Makes Torquemada smile I'd bet. I wonder if they shudder when people remind them that Santeria is (externally) considered a pagan religion and that ritualistic sacrifice is practiced by some practitioners. (And no, not some freaked out biker/schizoid type guy slicing heads off of chickens with glee. Accountants, yes. But most of the others appear respectable.) As do some witches of other religious faiths. They read the word witch, realize that they label themselves with the word (thank you Starhawk) and freak out. And they say the right wing is reactionary... Just my 2 cents on your fine and fun pages. (And please, even if the How To Be A Good Wife page never amasses large hit counts, keep it up for those of us who like to look into the past and give an uneasy chuckle) bil (a pagan who likes ya'!)

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From: napolean dynamite

sigh...satire, it's a lost art. i suppose i should thank you and your hate mail for your constant affiramtion of the mantra i repeat to myself everyday: "people are idiots". you're a sick man...keep up the good work.
your friend in darkness,
napolean dynamite

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From: Beth

Hey--
"People like you" make me laugh. You're so cool. I love your sense of humour. And I love your cat's name. The funniest page, though, (no offense) was the hate mail page. Keep up the good work.
Mokie :)

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From: jacen

First, of let me say i AM a christian and i get a kick out of your page. the only thing i find disturbing about it is the hate mail and death threats from other so-called "christians." it's people like this that make christianity seem so self-righteous and judgemental. true christianity is modeling your life after jesus, and jesus never said he hated anyone or was going to kill them. in fact, it you read the gospels, you'll find the only people christ ever criticized were the pharisees who were known for being self-righteous hypocrites and judging the morality of others. i don't consider myself better than anyone and don't pass judgement on anyone else. i may not agree with something, but that doesn't mean i should say other people are wrong because their opinions are different than mine. it's God's place to judge man, and no man should try to take the role of God, but some of my "brothers and sisters" in christ seem to point every little imperfection in everyone around them. i just want you to know that not all of us follow the super self-righteous image that has become the stereotype of christianity. thanks.
jacen

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from: Darkstar

HAHAHAHAHA...... One of these days a nutcase will really kill you, but until then keep up the work!
PS. Just a thought, is it your page that drive people nuts or they are nuts already before reading you page?? now hows that for paranoid!! hahahahaha

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From: Paul

Personally I think that you are a very humorous man with a lot of time on his hands...Your comments and opinions kept me laughing as well as the ignorant responses of those who comdemned you for expressing your thoughts......it is a riot.... Actually Paul, I have NO time on my hands! As anyone who has been here more than once in 6 months can tell you, I seldom update this stuff.

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From: SECRET
Subject: Erudite, Witty, Wonderful!

There simply aren't enough adjectives to do you justice. A wickedly satirical site with all the right spines in all the right places.

The only thing I wonder is why on earth you would seek out the 'drooling edge' when surely you know they can no more stop picking their scabs than they can learn to breathe through their noses. [chuckle]
'Cause scab pickers and mouth breathers entertain the hell out of me!

Should you decide to publish my pitiful note, please refrain from using my email or url. In its stead, please link to the only other site I've ever enjoyed like this:

http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Prairie/9179/walter.htm

The home of the extraordinarily dysfunctional Walter Miller.

My thanks and best wishes for continued success.

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From: Nick

I tought the halloween tract was very good, it sucinctly sumed up all the rabid witterings of fundermentalist christians, the only thing it lacked was some supposedly cute (though actually looking like it's ispired by chronic barbiturate abuse) comic book art, showing the good boys and girls that if they bob for apples a big bad devil with a strage laugh well throow them in a lake of fire.

Oh and on the point one wiccan or another made about their religion being good, because of the "An' it harm none, blah blah yackety shmacety etc, etc" Don't they ever notice that this is a perversion (an acusation they like to bamndy around) of something the great (if barking mad) Aleister Crowley said. And why do they all seam to think they're living in the middle ages, 'Merry Meet' etc:- most people say hello.
Anyway keep up the good work,
Nick Rowley

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From: Smoke Dogg

I used to be a wiccan, but i'm now a christian, you filthy pigfucking sonofabitch motherfuckin dicksucker asshole! Youoffend me! Okie enough of the bullshit, you're homepage kicks major ass!!! I am a christian, but it's not like I don't have a fuckin life, ... people take the Halloween thing way to damn seriously. And those fuckers actually think you're serious about the winking Jesus. This is fucking insane!! Keep up the good work with your kickass homepage and dont let these dicks give ya shit like this.

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From: teg1

I haven't laughed so hard in..well..for some time. You are a fucking comic genius! I agree with you that the religious ones who want to damn to to hell and then pray for your soul at the same time are a bunch that make me laugh a little nervously. It would be a shame if someone actually killed you though, but i still won't send you any money. I am a little jealous of you though, so maybe, you know, if there was a way for me to take the credit for what you have done, i wouldn't be quite so sad.maybe. i just don't know. ok, if you actually get killed, i will send a dollar ok. I knew there were a lot of stupid bastards out there, but i am truly a-fucking-mazed...sorry to hear that the one person damned your whole family to hell, that was a little extreme

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From: Rik Zak

I love your page man, but the thing that shocked me is how many people fail to see that your joking. Holy shit, that Halloween one cracked me up. But i was rolling on the floor when i saw that people were agreeing with you thinking you were serious. "YES HALLOWEEN IS THE DAY OF THE DEVIL" they cry.

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From: S. Maloney

Ha Ha Ha I'm sure you've truly found you nitche' in life, your writing although graphic in nature is thoroughly articulate, it has to be to offend or entertain the "masses". Any article that can spark something in side a person to prompt them to get off their asses and write down their feelings is a real gift/talent in our culture we see alot of what I call "banging & blaming" but few banding together to get results. So I hope someday your talents not only make you millions but also find you in a position where millions hear you roar.. LMAO offensive of not you have a great gift of words......S. Maloney, California

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From: Godspank
Subject: Winking Foibles and Other Clandestine Cabals...

I find it terribly amusing how many people take this site so seriously, and applaud you for your obviously keen wit and healthy cynicism! Keep up the good work and spreading the propoganda!
Godspank Thanks and I must say that I love you username!

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From: Stacey Kraai

Well,

Isn't that special! :-) My husband and I got quite a kick out of your whole mess of pages. We do have a hard time believing that these people writting you really believe what they are saying. It might be an interesting study in the ignorance of people on the net! You should publish a paper or something!
I'm amazed that some of them can even get on the net.

What we are really saying is that...We believe you have the key to the truth! Please lead us to the promised land! Teach us oh great one! We will follow your word to the ends of the earth and beyond! We will send you all of our money...wait wait wait...Perhaps we'll just send you a dollar for your funeral fund :-) Let us know, oh great one, if you bite the big one, and we will honor you like Elvis!
I'll appear to you in a dream if'n some wacko knocks me off. I'll also give you instructions for moving the P.F.T.P. website to your ISP. Then you and your husband can sort through the tons of hate mail.

Keep up the good work!

lol! from koschka and wr3nch

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Johnathan,

I found your web site by accident -- I was looking for information about the history of Halloween and ran into your "Demonic Day of Darkness" pamphlet. You certainly had me going for a while; I was completely convinced that the material was written by a paranoid religious fundamentalist who needed a splash of cold reality...

Fooled me! B-)

Anyway, count me in as a fan and a supporter. Your detractors really don't "get it"; it frightens me that people so mindlessly stupid (whether they be Christian fundamentalists, thin-skinned Wiccans, gutter-mouthed loonies, or whatever else) are walking the streets every day. But don't let the bastiches get you down -- some people do appreciate your satire, and you've just gained another enthusiast.

Keep it up!

--Robert Jung
Thanks Robert. Did I mention that I love the word bastiches?

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Ok, I laughed at the Halloween page. Frighteningly close to real propaganda articles and whatnot I've read but I went there knowing it was a joke.

I'd been to the Winking Jesus page a few months ago and am relieved to know it was a joke. (I laughed at it but thought it was real at the time)

I recieved that "How to be a Wife" guide in a mailing list earlier this week and am still laughing at the responses I got from others on the list.

But that Santa thing. Wow, you're right when you said, "I was horrified that I had actually written some of the disgusting entries in the diary. I'm still considering seeking therapy over it."

Funny but, yeah, "call your local health care center"

I shudder at the thought of what you're gonna do with the Easter Bunny.
I'm not gonna mess with the Easter Bunny. I think he is a GREAT way to celebrate the birth of christ!

Can't wait to see your next installment of offensiveness~and the results!

Noelle

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What can I say, I came, I read, I laughed. End of story.

Keep showing those idiots how truly stupid they are.

Thanks for the good humor.

lthoth

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john, FYI, there is no H after the O.

this is one of the reasons i'm happy i have the internet. the letters from the xians were so funny. you do excellent work, and i applaud you for pissing these people off. someone has to! keep up your brilliant work! i'll keep checking back for more.

see you in hell (if the xians are right we'll all end up there),

sarah
We can make smores (or is it smoars?) together

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Well, nice to see that there are still athiests around. I can tell because you have the Christians ready to burn you at the stake, the Satanists ready to eat you, the kids with a lot of time on their hands trying to curse you, and the Witches wondering where you get this shit, and the idea for this. What scares me is that too many people take you seriously. Or not enough know to cut off the last word and / to see the index of the page. I think the problem is...the catholics "see the wink and aim to purify", and also see your little ...mad raving?...of the Halloween one, and they go crazy (by no means a long walk). If I were you, I'd just be worried....the christians who would take the time to stop and tell you the've "seen the light" are more dangerous than the people telling you they'll curse you, there's a little "three-fold law", they hurt you they get it x3. Little side note there. C ya...by the way, e-mail me if you put this on my page. Thanks.

RaistlinS (yeah, I'm gonna put my REAL name in this, sure) Thanks Stephen! (That's his REAL name!)

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Dear Mr. Chance:

I have a terrible confession...I was drawn to read your article: Halloween: Kids treat or Pagan trick by a goofy link site that listed it under "Anti-Halloween" pages. I knew what I was going to see, was going in for a laugh anyway...but still managed to be offended...

THANK HEAVENS I saw the "Propaganda for the Paranoid" logo at the bottom of the last page! Once I realized that it was a JOKE (though there are some serious ones out there- as evidenced by your "Nuts" section) it made the rest of the reading so much funnier!
Oh, you're a brave man! A little foolhardy- and perhaps with an unhealthy death wish- but....boy, what a sense of humor! Hah!

I'm going to send some of my friends to this site *snicker* and not let em' in on the joke! Hee hee!

Thanks for the laughs, And- look out for lightning bolts!
Yours Truly,
Miss Jingles
Thanks Miss Jingles. There is No way I'm gonna ask how you got that name!

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Hey! I loved your homepage! I could hardly stop laughing. Although, I have to admit that the funniest of all was the CEO ... People are so strange ... :) Anyway, keep up the great work, and never stop pissing these psychos off. L8er!

Liza :)
Thank you Liza

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Dear Jonathan,

I praise your wonderful sense of humor! It is a rare thing these days. I will be passing your site on to a few friends who will also enjoy the sarcasm. Keep up the good humor and steer clear of the folks with no common sense.
Misha.
Thanks Misha, but the folks with no common sense are everywhere!

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This email is for Jonathan Chance. Man, you are one really twisted guy. I can't believe what I just read. Half way through it, I'm still going, "this has got to be a joke. no body can be this paranoid". Well, fortunately I took the time to find out what PFTP standands for before deciding if you are one really sicko bastard, or if you have a complex sense of humor. I still haven't decided, but we both know that's not the issue. :) I love what you did you your pages, nice to see someone trying to get people to think for themselves instead of going off half cocked, thinking they have the right to speak for someone else. You wouldn't happen to be part of that group that "Warning high concentrations of H20 found in rain." science project? Now that was true humor.
-Noel No Noel, I wasn't a member of that fantastic science group. I do have great respect for their research though!
P.S. The only truely offensive thing of it all are the idots who think WRITTING IN ALL CAPS MAKES AND DAMN DIFFERENCE. Geez, are they trying to give me someone a headache or something. Like I'm really gonna go stand in front of a mirror and yell at myself. Sheez! Amen!

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Had a fairly good chuckle oveer your winking Jesus. Had a much more entertaining laugh at the comments in your "Testimony" page. Much more enlightening, to be sure.

Have you ever read D.H. Lawrence? Yes, the same one, of Lawrence of Arabia fame. He wrote a story called "The Man Who Died," published many years ago. In the story, Jesus has what was referred to as a 'sexual congress' with a priestess of Isis in an Egyptian temple. At the climactic moment, Jesus declares, 'I am risen!'
I haven't read it. Sounds like something I need to get my hands on though.

I had assumed that Lawrences story, like the Gospels, were nothing more than fables and concoctions written by semi-prophets who knew that one day we would all share the enjoyment of so many televangelists grovelling for the same pool of money coming from a pit of 5 million little old ladies who really do believe that Pat, Benny, Jimmy and Tammy Fae can all really heal someone by speaking in a fake language and laying on of hands. (Ever watch those fakirs put their money-grubbing hands on someone who won't fall over? They push them!)
My faves have always been Robert Tilton and Tammy Fae

After seeing your winking Jesus, I am now convinced that Lawrences story is all true, and that Jesus had a different motive in mind when he held up the piece of bread (possibly representing a phallic symbol) and telling his apostles to "Eat this, for this is my body [penis symbol." Of course, seeing that they used unleavened bread, it probably didn't get a rise out of him, anyway. Oh, well. At least he had Mary Magdeline to get his jollies.

Good parody.
J. Harris

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To the Honorable Jonathan C. Chance, I like this title!

Well!

I ran across your Jesus Winking page while doing a web search for miraculous/paranormal photos. At first I was a bit angry, being then in the serious skeptic/investigative mindset- knowing that this would bring a slew of well meaning but tunnel-visioned Christians to your site proclaiming 'Alleluia!!! A Miracle!' Sadly many, if not most, are all too gullible... (n.b. If you get a fairly good print & animate it you'll cause all Hell to break loose- literally ;)

Going to your index/home page gave me a good chuckle, however, switching from serious to light- and I think Jesus, too, had a sense of humor (He WAS human, wasn't He?)... Sad that there are not two 'shortest sentences' in the Bible, with the addition of "Jesus laughed."

Your mail is also hilarious, with some of your toppers (in red, as in some KJV's ;) just adding to the hilarity... I especially like the "Got milk?" Hmmmm....another of the shortest sentences? ;^D

Oh, and Jonathan??? --in your attempts to 'get rich' off the internet and your latest 'burial fund'- *sigh* didn't you learn from your poor little boy scheme? Oh well, if you scrape up enough for a Guiness or Half-and-Half, give me a call *g* (enough for two, you cheapskate- I can just hear your intonation of 'dutch' ;)
After two whole years of NOT asking for cash on the Winking Jesus page, I put up an address for "love offerings" (I love that wording). I'm sure the big bucks will start rolling in now, we'll have to make plans for those drinks. Let's just wait till the xtians start sending in their love offerings!

--you may want to next try a Wanking Jesus... but that's too much. Hmmm, how 'bout Jesus flicking a booger?

In the Spirit(s)

Emmy
p.s. if you decide to use any part of this letter on your page please feel free but do not link to my email or home page- I got enough problems!

Thanks!
Wouldn't dream of sharing the email address of my future drinking buddy with anyone!

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what the hell is the meaning of all of this.i can't believe that you could do such a thing. actually i can't believe i didn't think of it first. This page is really great. I spread it to a couple of friends (some of which were Wiccans) and they all loved it. especially the responses from some of these people. Some people really need to learn to lighten up a bit (and lern to spel). thanks for the entertainment.

Carl Simpson
Thanks Carl, and tell your friends I said "Thanks for stopping by!"

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You got me!!! =)

Somehow I missed the end link on the last page of your Halloween site . . . a concerned Wiccan had forwarded your address to me because they felt it was a Witch hate-site. Because, sadly enough, there are people who believe some of the ridiculous things that are on there. Nevertheless, embarrasingly, I fell for it.

Just a couple of days ago, a lady e-mailed me and told me the real facts about the Halloween page. I clicked through the thing again, this time found the link, and boy was I in for a surprise when I found the main page!!

So, yes, I have egg on my face for labeling this portion of your site as being religious-intolerant, and I apologize to you. With that said, and having visited the rest of site, all I can say is that I appreciate the effort that has gone into your site, and I'm glad that I can fully appreciate your site for what it is - wickedly brilliant!

Another enlightened Witch,

Dana
Dana, that's not egg on your face! That's enlightment! Thanks for sharing!

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Hey!

I just read your Halloween bit! I admit, you had me there for a minute. I must be one of the few people who actually bothered to scroll all the way down the page to the part where it says "propoganda for the paranoid." Obviously more people would know that you were only joking if they just had a little more fucking patience. Amen! Oh well. As my boyfriend Joel and I always say, there are five billion people on this planet. 99% of these people are mentally retarded. The other one percent are pulling their hair out in frustration. And thanks to all those damn Catholic fertility specialists out there, the retards keep on multiplying!

However, with this website of yours, at least you have come up with a reasonable alternative to the hair pulling thing. Instead of getting frustrated and pulling out our hair (after all, hair is one's crowning glory, don'tchya know) we can simply laugh our asses off at all those retards out there and let them get frustrated with us for a change. And change is good, is it not? You're doing important work, my friend.

Rachel
You and your boyfriend should make lots of rational babies! -wink-

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Your website http://www.PropagandaForTheParanoid.com/ is unbelievably amusing, and I am entertained.

After reading some of the letters you've received, it frightens me to realize that humorless fundies are not soley a christian phenomenon. Some of the letters you received make me think that solvent abuse is a much greater problem than I originally thought.
Keep up the good work,

--Ted.
Thanks, and I'm sure you are right about the solvent abuse problem

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I did a net search of "Halloween" when I saw your your tract on that holiday and found it very offensive before I realized it was a satire on fanatic religeous paranoia. I just assumed you were another ignorant fundamentalist with his head placed properly in his anus, but after I realized your message, I found it very hilarious. But the people that fail to see your satire fills me with a bit of fear, for mass closed minded intolerance can lead up to horrible hate crimes.

One side note, I have found numerous pages that document your Halloween tract as actual fact. I know if I were you, I'd be rolling in laughter over this.

Samuel
I do get a kick out of it. I did correct one such site though. It had my Halloween site listed with some of the most vile shit I've ever seen. Since they accepted reader input, I told my side of the story.

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Jonathan,

I just checked ou; P.F.T.P., and must say it is some of the funniest shit I've ever read. Your heartbreaking account of the darker side of North Pole Celebrity brought tears to my eyes. Keep up the good work.

Take care!

Jescob2
Mind? I encourage it! Thanks!

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I've gotten a charge out of your site and the various types of mail you've received in response...sure does point out how easy it is to be gullible. I am a pagan who heard of your site through other disgruntled pagans. The reactions to your statements have been truly enlightening. It sure does point out the need to not automatically jump to conclusions...and even if we find material to be personally offensive, to respect the right of others to air their viewpoint.
Your point is well taken.
Regards,
Eiremysst (not my legal name, but real? yes)
Thanks Eiremysst! You just made me realize something. Legal name, real name, and birth name are all different. My snide little comments should be "Probably not his/her BIRTH name"! hmmmmmmm Thanks for waking my sleeping mind!

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I love you, marry me! :c) What an interesting way your mind works. - AntiDoll
Sorry, I'm already married. Now, if you are very wealthy and attractive, I might be able to make some changes! - It's a JOKE people!

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Dear Jonathan,

After visiting web site after web site and leaving each one wondering when someone is actually going to build a site that leaves an impression, I gratefully fell upon yours. Thanks for finally giving me something to laugh at! I love it when I get to see someone else besides myself use their witty sense of humor, and freedom of speech to make an example out of society, and their often childish and hysterical behavior. I am a fan of no one's, but your site is now one of my favorites!

Laurel
Thanks Laurel!

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Couldn't get through all the hate mail, but the death curses were great and I loved the 'just nuts'. The way I see it, anyone can write something on the internet and piss a bunch of people off--it takes a special something to get somebody to write you explaining that Santa Clause does not exist. If you're webpage suddenly disappears, I'll definitely be sure to send that donation for your memorial fund.
Thanks!

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Dear Mr. Chance,

We, my roomate and I think your webpage kicks so much ass, we want to carry your children. I want to give you a little child that has a mixture of your and my genes, so that we may produce little Jonathan Chance's all over the world. My roomate, too. She wants that too. I think it is funny that the people who wrote you hate mail and so on don't understand that you're joking. How do they manage to walk upright and reason? Satan probably helps them, or God, or Santa.
Well, we just want to love you, so we'll go now.
Wishing we could carry your progeny,
Kelly and Sara
My wife says that for a small fee, you can carry my progeny! She won't tell me how much the fee is.......Hmmmmmm I'll see if I can get the two of you a group discount!

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Hey Jonathon!

I found a link somewhere during Halloween last year (looking for graphics for my own website) to your Halloween page, and I have to admit that while I was laughing at the sheer stupidity of the "facts," especially the use of the anarchy and ankh symbols as "satanic symbols" (oops...sorry...that MAY BE "satanic symbols"), I started to get aggravated in thinking that whoever wrote it actually BELIEVED it (since you yourself now know there ARE people that stupid)! Then I found the link...and was RELIEVED to see that you were joking around, and for good reason! I went to the other sites and laughed my ass off some more. It wasn't until today (2/6/98) that I checked back to see if the link I put on my links page (to the Santa Exposed site...my FAV) was still working. I went through the hate mail and death threats, and I DON'T envy you! Thank god there were a good number of people who HAD a sense of humor. Whew!

Anyway, I think you should try the alien abduction suggestion, the shoot-a-person/take-a-shooting-class-in-school suggestion (make it NRA propaganda, make it seem more convincing), and the Marilyn Manson one (I like his music, but the way he acts sometimes just BEGS to be messed with)! Hell, I'm gay, and I think the anti-homosexual suggestion would be funny (even funnier would be an anti-HETEROSEXUAL one)! Maybe try something with the Easter Bunny, leprachauns, politicians..maybe even the evils of fairy tales, evils of music (Yanni: New Age Sensation or Satan's House Musician?...or substitute Yanni with the Spice Girls and/or Hanson)! Damn...better quit while I'm ahead!

Keep up the good work! Fuckin' hysterical, dude!

--Frank
Thanks Frank, glad you enjoy it!

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Mr. Chance,

You, sir, are the Howard Stern of the Internet!!

Your cruel websites only serve to make people look stupid! Of course, they *are*.......but that is beside the point. How many of your victims now have self-esteem problems or, worse yet, have actually started USING THEIR BRAINS?!! What will the world come to if people begin thinking critically? What will happen to the economy if folks can see through advertising gimmicks? And let's not even talk about what will happen to politics! I shudder to think of the consequences of your foolish actions here. Please, I am begging you - stop this insane plot to stimulate the brains of your unsuspecting readers before it is too late!!!!!!

I am terrified that you may open yet more of these time bombs to suck more people into your nefarious scheme. Perhaps a site about flag burning or prayer in schools. There is no limit to the opportunities for you to spread your evil seeds of destruction!!

Sincerely,
Lisa, A Concerned Citizen

PS Keep up the good work. Thanks Lisa! Being called the Howard Stern of the internet is another GREAT title I think I like!

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Kevin Murray wrote:
Your sites rule. Make sure you wear body armour when you leave the house though...it's a gun-totin'-right-wing-liberal-shootin'-crazy-ass world out there...but I guess you knew that.
All I could afford was an armoured jockstrap!
Thanks Kev for the words of praise!

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Jason Biggs wrote:
jonathan(dont know you that well but ill call you by your first name anyways),
i must first say that your page is what the web is all about: free exchange of ideas(well i guess any web site is an example of that but you know what i mean) for a while now all ive been using the web for is porn, basically i was under the impression that was what everyone used it for. I operate 9 different adult web sites and make a considerable profit off of them. but your page and a few others(namely the gus homepage:a must) have opened my eyes to other uses of the web, namely opening closed minds or perhaps just laughing at ignorant fucks that beleive your sarcastic bullshit.
ive been pondering the idea of putting up a geocities(or any similar free domain) home page but still have not thought of anything worth putting up. when i get around to it i will send you the url. so for now keep it up man.
Jason, you're in the bizz of "keeping it up". I'll just keep pissing em off! Thanks! JC

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Mk Olsen wrote:
J.C. (Strangely similar to the anagram of the great unwashed Jesus)
You suckered me and I fell for it. Maybe I'm just a bit defensive of my favorite holiday.
My wife and I chuckled over the Halloween page, and are still chuckling over your myriad of responses - especially the 'just nuts' folks. I'm sending the site adress to a few friends, just to see if they are as gullible as I.

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Brian Jolliff wrote:
Great site. Haven't had that much fun on the net in a while!
Refreshing outlook on things and done in a medium that probably would not have worked any other way.

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LadyWolf wrote:
I found your site quite by accident. I was in a particularly dark mood, looking up information about "Satanism" just for kicks, and came across this quite entertaining page. "Halloween.." was the first part I read, thinking it was going to be some interesting christian propaganda. I was fully prepared to write you a scathing letter, then I discovered what your site was really about.
I question your reasons for doing something like this - I personally couldn't put up with the onslaught of hate that you get on a regular basis - but you have done your job well. You made me interested enough to read most of your site and respond to it.

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Pamela wrote:
I have to admit that my blood pressure did rise a bit at first, but after a couple of pages, I got it:). You are truely a sick and twisted individual and I applaud you! Hopefully, even with all the death threats and hate mail, you'll stay alive long enough come up with more of these "public service announcements". I look forward to reading more!

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Jolleen Wallace wrote:
Hello - I emailed you yesterday about what a dipship I thought you were and now I see what you were really doing. Keep up the good work. Smart guy.

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Travis Tyson wrote:
I enjoyed reading your various pages, especialy the mail you have recived. It does not surprize me that there so many up thight people out there. I mean can't they take a joke? Just keep on doing what you do and we will get a good laugh out of the ignorant masses.

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"Mr. Moonlight" wrote:
I got your URL from a Wiccan who was freakin outraged at your halloween page...
I had to check it out, and (unlike the girl who posted the URL) hit the link at the end
I was laughing when I read it, and laughing harder and stronger when I hit the link and found out that you were kidding :o)
kick ass, man...keep 'em comin :o)
a man with a mind

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Tino wrote:
Thanks! That's all i really have to say for you've made my day joyous with your very funny pages. A mockery of Christian Fundamentalism is always good, tastefull humour!

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Matt Wagner wrote:
i found your propaganda for the paranoid through the halloween page. i just wanted to tell you that you know the meaning of the word entertainment.

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Joy Jergens wrote:
My dear sir, a friend "turned me on" to this Website as she felt I needed a laugh and I am indeed highly entertained. Please keep it going with new updates of your very witty style. I have so far only read about Halloween but cannot wait to peruse Santa Claus and Winking Jesus. Keep up the good work!

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Samantha wrote:
I understood what you were doing from the beginning of your Halloween site. Interesting form of humor. Many people are too easily offended. Don't mind us Witches. We're just up on our guard from those who truly are out to get us. Your pages are amusing, and I quite enjoy reading your mail. Disregard any curses from Witches, we don't do that stuff, just kinda scare people sometimes to make them back off. Keep it up, I need a good laugh!!!

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Prairie Moon wrote:
I loved you Halloween page, at first I must admit I was a little hot under the collar but it was too inyour face to be your true feelings.All I could do was laugh,and that's pretty good with my being wiccan. The others who have written you claiming to be witches or wiccan are not I was more appalled at them more than your halloween thing I still am chuckleing over it. People have got to stop being so paranoid and realize that they are being made fun of here. your great !

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Syn & Demensia wrote:
We would like to say THANK YOU for your web page. The mail you get from people is pretty freaky and just shows to prove "people" and their thoughts, wrong interpretations. We hope that you none of your pets get killed or any body parts end-up on your lawn. Keep up the Lords work (hehe).God(dess) Bless. Thanks for your time and your wounderful web pages.

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Matthew de Pratter wrote:
I've always known that the mass populus are senseless, paranoid creatures! You're pamphlets rock! I love your idea! You rule! I have never laughed so hard in my life. I printed out the one on halloween and showed it to some of my radical friends! It was great! You rule!

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Russ wrote:
Good stuff, I almost laughed my tits off. Actually I don't have tits but I did laugh anyway, scary people.

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B. Bells wrote:
when i first saw this i thought you were some loony christian, with no concept of anything...but when you listed the signs of who's a satanist....i began to wonder if it was a joke. It was grand!!!! what's sick is that some people believe that stuff! talking like that gives pagans a bad name, as well as christians. (im a christian, by the way, not that you care or anything) people are so stupid. oh, loved the curse from Darklord... its follows the same lines as your pamphlet. again preying on the stupid is fantastic, and you're a master at it!!!

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Dave Hanson wrote:
You've got some funny stuff there. Keep up the good work! I guess some people have absolutely NO sense of humor.

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Jill wrote:
I read your Halloween page and I'm very impressed. I almost stopped reading it because I thought you were a bigoted asshole but I kept going to find your E-mail address so I could insult you and all of those around you. Now I know that you are a creative genius and my role model.

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Anon wrote:
I agree. You have won and proven a very sought after point. All one has to do, to get a reaction and to control that reaction given, is throw out an opinion that either riles people or throws them together in a crazed mass of prayers of thanks, to the one that has shown them the way. Well done. Now I could end this E-mail by stating that I was not fooled, but that would be a lie. Because even I was drawn into your world, controlled by your thoughts, and ruled by your words. It just goes to show that anyone can be drawn in and controlled by another.

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Morgan wrote:
I was alerted to your website by a well-meaning fellow member of the PAL (Pagan Awareness League, for which I am the Texas rep). So I cruised on over, expecting to find one of those sorry slanderous sites that I am *so* very sick of. Instead, I find a guy with a sense of humor. Now I admit that some of what was written in the Halloween section was fairly offensive -- but only because some who read it may take it at face value, not understanding the satire behind it. Just a liner

I immediately wrote to the other PAL reps and told them to wake up; that your site is a satire and that you didn't say you believed all that stuff about Halloween. On further exploration of your site, I can say that I even respect your "in-yer-face" attitude and NO WAY would I call you a Christian, as some of my mis-guided fellow pagans have. Just a liner

"Black" humour has always been a favorite of mine, and I don't mean African-Americans, either. Just wanted to let you know that there's at least one pagan out here -- and even in your neck of the woods! -- who knows that you're not attacking us; you're just having fun. Too bad most people don't seem to be able to laugh along with you. I guess they're the types who take themselves too seriously and will end up in an early grave.

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Dave Rouleasu wrote:
Now, I have to say that, even though I am a witch myself, I was chuckling at the preposterousness of your "Halloween" somewhere around the fourth or fifth screen. It was funny in an absurd kind of way; or it would be if people didn't believe it! This may be the Information Age, but why do so many people still take the "printed" word as holy writ?

My point is that, though your pages are somewhat amusing, you are totally outclassed by the mail you receive from your "adoring fans". Admit it! I bet you couldn't begin to imagine more entertaining writing than what is provided to you by the paranoids, wackos, and deranged mass-murderers (Victim: the English Language) who feel compelled to offer you even more ridiculous material to add to the popularity of your site! It's easy to see how the Inquisition caught on. Just write something and you can trust somebody to run with it!

When I leave work tonight, I won't be looking out for demons, devil-worshippers, or their ilk; I will be wary of the extremist nut-cases who cannot distinguish between reality and paranoid delusional fantasies (even if they are in print...).

Must be nice to have everyone else write your web page for you... :-)
It is great letting others do all the work!

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Monique wrote:
This is not yet another death threat-but my thanks for being the only web site that made me laugh out loud! I want you to know, at first (like many others-I'm sure), upon reading your halloween page-I was trying to find an e-mail to tell you what a paranoid freak you were! How appropos to find the link to the PFTP.... Your web site is a great example of ironic humor, and it's a shame that so many people hate you for your sense of humor. Hope it helps that some of us actually "got" your message.
Another point I'd like to make...I find it so ridiculous that so many pagans/wiccans are so quick to stand up for what they believe in, yet denounce satanism in the same breath! I am not a Satanist-but it's the only doctrine I've found that comes closest to the truth for me...it's amazing that Wiccans can defend their beliefs while stereotyping others that are not so far off from themselves!!!!!
To all you Wiccans/Witches out there...there are still a good many people who do not believe in witches because they think they are a myth! Obviously you know that is not the case...so why don't you guys do a little research yourself, and you may find that these purported "Satanic Cults" are not Satanism at all. It's a religion with many similar features to your own! Hence the main reason I am not religious at all; I've found it produces more hatred and self-righteousness than any good it does!
My apologies to the people that do not fit that description... Anyway...thanks for the laughs Jonathan; keep up the good work.

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Elena wrote:
That shit was funny as hell.

I admit that when I first stumbled across your site, I thought you really were some right-wing wacko, and I also admit that finding out you weren't ruined some of the humor of it for me. Then I went and read some of your hate-mail, and nearly asphyxiated laughing. First off, it's against Wiccan doctrine to hex anybody, and if harm sent does come back threefold, then it's not you that the mother goddess is going to strike down. Why don't you point that out to some of these little pansy-ass white-lighter pseudo-Christian fuckers:)

I live in Hampton Roads VA, and not only is it on the whispery edge of the Bible Belt, but we also have a large and active pagan community. This can be more fun to watch than the Superbowl, I'm telling you. I've gotten propaganda in my mailbox from a little comic strip illustrating how all the Jews were going to go to hell-presented as a loving plea to come to Christ as his Chosen Race-to a trifolded pamphlet pointing out why atheism is the way to go. When the Christians did their morning-prayer-around-the-flagpole-thing, the local pagan teenagers performed a full-scale spirit-calling ritual within three yards of them (that one made the evening news and the paper). So basically, I've learned to have a sense of humor about the whole mess, and I appreciate finding somebody else who does as well. YOur site reminds me of the old story of throwing rocks at the sleeping giants' heads so they'll beat each other up. I was working on a fake pamphlet about the dangers of witchcraft which was going to be a gag between myself and a few of my friends as a way to irritate the local pagan community, and I'll e-mail you the results. Keep up the good work!

Yours,
Elena

P.S. I happen to worship Lilith, the Babylonian goddess of sex, magick, and death, and I am the High Priestess of the Horned Moon Coven in Newport News VA, and I am telling you this because I don't want the Goddess to be represented on this site by raving idiots. Blessed be, Jonathan!

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Chris Chatterson wrote:
Hey, I just wanted to say I enjoyed ur site. It was quite funny and those who don't know how to take a joke...well tough. Humor is the best medicine :) and you give plenty of that. And to all them there ppls who send threating mail and such...give up lamerz and learn to live a little...enjoy life...and most emportanly...laugh :)

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Chas wrote:
I laughed throughout your site, then got a little embarrassed and sad at all the hate mail. There are so many humorless people in the world today, and people who don't critically examine what they're seeing and therefore don't get sarcasm. People need to lighten the hell up. Keep up the good work.

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Noah Gottlieb wrote:
hola
just wanted to say that this is all quite cool and it made me laugh and all that good stuff.
people who are attacking you are taking themselves too seriously. i really think this page is funny.

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Michele wrote:
You know, I am a follower of Wicca too. I read your Propaganda page thoroughly, including the flames and hate mails. I was most amused. I found your site to be a refreshing prank on those that deserve it the most. While I too find it to be disturbing that people misunderstand the religion that I follow, I find it equally disturbing that there are so many people out there who get so easily offended by anything or anyone who holds a different opinion... and will take a negative approach to solving the problem. I like your page. I consider it a wake-up call to those of us who appear to have lost our senses of humour.

Interestingly enough, I found the link to your web page off of www.witchvox.com. There is a listing of "religious hate" sites under there......

Wicca is a religion of joy and happiness... yet we have lost our sense of humour. In a sense, you have done us a favour, by pointing this grave mistake out that all of us are making. I appreciate it. Good luck with your page, Merry Prankster.

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Shelly wrote:
You're delightfully silly! I never (Well, okay, twice before this) send email to people about their web sites, but I had to make an exception in this case. I like your site 'cause it makes people go 'Oh fuck, I just made a fool of myself' when they realize that it's all a joke. It's great to see ignorance and obliviousness smooshed, though I can't hazard a guess as to _your_ purposes for making this site -- having noticed that you're a Discordian makes this impossible. :)

I, just for the record, am a Pagan with a lot of skeptical tendencies. But I think that's irrelevant to whether I laughed at the page or not. :) Blind ignorance is blind ignorance, no matter what package it comes in.

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US wrote:
Don't get smart, there is two of me.=) really... We loved your page and were not offended at all. Actually, we had to pause because we were on the floor laughing our asses off. ANYWAY!!! We never knew that Santa was such a pervert. WE thought we saw someone in the shower window, but thought it was our imagination. (We're getting a curtain!) lol. Please don't put us in the nutzoid section, because besides our personalitiy disorder, We're fine.

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Hey there,
Chance is a good name you gave yourself. Or did you?
My parents gave it to me - I had no choice in the matter
Anyway this form of entertainment is great! I didn't know what to think as I read further and then I threw my preconceptions out the window and "chanced" upon my favorite state of mind lucid awareness and a deep abiding SENSE OF HUMOR.

Keep out of that Texas sun! It'll fry your brain faster than a peyote omelete.
Breakfast is the MOST important meal of the day!

I am writing to repent for my sins of judgemetal-ness(is that even a word?)Seriously though, you have proven your point to me. I think from now on I'll try to remember to examine things more closely before JUMPING. Point well taken.
I'll forgive you if you promise to hand out really decent candy this Halloween!
Krystyna

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I found your page and was amazed at what you had to say until I read further..... you have made a great point. People need to pay more attention before believing what they hear or read. Amen! Thumbs up to you for trying to get your point across.

From: Lane

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From: PyroPoet

Classic!! Your page and pamphlets are hilarious! Being a fan of the macabre and fellow lover of Halloween I know quite a bit about it origins (Samhein etc.), and when I read your Halloween pamphlet I couldn't believe what I was reading. However, I was laughing aloud, even when I jumped to your P.F.T.P. page. I smiled through the other pamphlets and your mail, loving all of it. As a good chunk of mail shows information (of misinformation as the case may be) is a powerful thing, and it's always nice to see such an uptight world get beaten by it's own stupidity and close-mindedness. Keep the comedy flowing and I'll look forward to expansion. Just a liner

From Lucky Starr

hahah I was just about to send a nasty email regarding your halloween page, and then i read your home page. at first i thought you were some bible thumper. actually, i think its pretty funny now.

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Hey Jonathan!
Thanx for the halaroius halloween site. Both me and my friend are pagans and kinda angry for the first five seconds, but then we saw it was a well done joke and we've been laughing our heads off about it ever since. I read some of your hate and death mail, the whole time thinking what the hell's the matter with these people? I'm suprised you haven't gotten fan mail form people like me, I am a pagan but I'm also a teenager with a good sense of humor. Thanks again and keep up the good work!
Best wishes,
Tellani
PS I'm suprised that one wiccan said that they'd never burned a black candle in their life, they must be having a lot of trouble performing protection rituals all of which involve the burning of black candles

As a Warlock I find your articles amusing but at the same time it disgusts me. When witches curse you they get back three times what they send out. So I won't curse you my thoughts will be with you. I can't see you living for much longer so go in peace but watch your back.
WARLOCK

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I read just about all of your page and i have to say that they are some real stupid people out there.... Your "propoganda" is really showing what kind of stupid hype people put on things.. I mean holloween? Give me a break if little kids like to run around in a superman outfit and get candy... They might as well do it while there young... I wish i could run around in an ape outfit and get candy.... Santa Claus...*lofl* I knew there was something up with him... ever since he stole my dads stash and i got blamed for it, i knew he was evil. Oh yeah, I showed my girlfriend the "How to be a good wife." She no longer talks to me because now she is lesbian...You have touched my life but at the same time made my only true love hate men... Oh well... FUCK HER!
Continue the propoganda for all those easily angered and narrow minded people out there. For once, there is someone who likes to piss off only stupid people.... You are my idle....

God Bless *lol*
The KRE8R
P.S. Thought of Colombus day yet? That pisses people off...

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i love the santa diary, i think it is really funny, and i think you should make this knowledge more public. fuck the blind public that believe this man is nice. they may get mad, but when they all find out. they will remember.
just joking.
great story.
hope you piss someone off.
justin maple

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Wow, pretty weird shit. I enjoyed it immensely. Some of it made me laugh out loud. The little gotcha at the bottom of Halloween's last page was great. I wonder how many people actually bothered to read it.

The hate mail, death threats, and nutty stuff was too weird to be faked. I know people like that, it's scary.

It never ceases to amaze me at how many people out there have no sense of humor. How sad to go through life being offended by everything you see. What's ever more sad is that they don't realize how much they're missing out on by lightening up a little.

Oh, well. If they can't take a joke... fuck with 'em.

I'm looking forward to more weird stuff from you.
Jesse

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hi hi mister ,
id just like to say that youre website was sooo cool , and you should like get together with the guy who writes dilbert and then you should write student handbooks for school , there are lots of disenchanted teenagers . or you could like go through the bible and like rewrite it , or is that illegal ? but it was way nifty and it changed my life in some way , but doesnt everything .

the evil princess sixela

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Just a short fan letter to let you know how enjoyable your pages are! With such a simple method, you were able to bring out the best of the worst in hundreds of folks that are entertaining as hell! I will visit the Reflections sight regularly (when I need my spirits lifted) to read the latest musings of the enlightened masses!

Bravo!

BB and HUGS!

MooneStone
P.S. I am some sort of "pagan" and I am a great fan of humour.

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Man, you totally Kick Ass!! Your Pages Are SOOOOOO Funny!!!! Its About Time Something Else Is On The Web Other Than All This Educational Crap!!! Thanx For The Laughs Buddy!!
Christine

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This is very funny. I needed a good laugh tonight.

Thanks,
Michael O'Shaughnessy

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Loved it! Sarcasm is, in my opinion, the highest form of humor. Your pages should go down in history with Swift's "Gulliver's Travels," MAD Magazine, and Letterman's finest work as the primo examples of media sarcastica. Keep up the good work!

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Hey Jonathan, just wanted to say great site. I linked to it from a Halloween Page (by W.J. Bethancourt III) and I must admit, you had me going at first. I have always been a skeptic, believing that most of what I read or see on television is probably false. This is a good lesson for us all in seeking truth for ourselves. I'm truly surprised that most of your hate mail was over the Halloween page. I would have thought that the winking Jesus would have brought out the radical Christians in mass. My favorite quote from you was "The Christians think I'm an Atheist and the Pagans, Witches, and Satanists think I'm a Christian." How funny.

We are blinded daily by all sorts of propaganda from radio and television and now the internet. We are brainwashed into thinking that "New and Improved" Tide is somehow better than the old Tide. I started teaching my daughter when she was young (now twelve) not to always believe everything she saw on television. I knew that I had succeeded one day when she say a commercial for a dancing Barbie (doll was dancing by herself) when she turned to me and said "Daddy, that Barbie can't really dance like that...they are just trying to get you to buy it" (I was so proud!)

Thanks for the wakeup call.

Sincerely

Danny Dixon

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Jonathan,
I have to say I was laughing my ass off at your Halloween page even *before* I realized it was all a joke. (A Wiccan friend of mine sent the URL to me - she was pretty outraged. I'll have to write back and tell her to dig a little deeper)
When I followed the page back to the PFTP, I got even more of a chuckle.
Unfortunately, there are a lot of pages on the Internet just like yours, only these sickos are really serious. Thanks for such an entertaining page...really brightened my day. I'm going to go read some more of your hate mail now...
Blessed be,
Selene Morgana

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Subject: Pretty good

Pretty damn funny, I have to say. I first checked out the Winking Jesus and could not tell whether it was a joke or not (though, I usually wish that Chick Publications are a big joke - oh well). Chick Publications always make me laugh!

The only thing that gives evidence that it might be a joke is that it's done too well. For some reason most of the more nutty sites tend to be very sloppy - I guess they don't go for the "medium is the message" concept. I've noticed that also. I was kinda going for the basic HTML stuff in hopes that it would look authentic. Guess I need more pratice at appearing to be really wacked out.

Incidentally, I checked out the Bittner's homepage The Bittner's wrote me a while back. They are fundies who actually believed the HALLOWEEN pages. When I first listed their mail, their own web page was extreme fundie crap. They have since toned it down and I was more frightened by that than by most anything else I've seen. What's particularly funky is that in no way does it ever tread anywhere that isn't middle of the road (hell, Dilbert is funny, but not really unsafe (similar to Jeff Foxworthy, except Jeff Foxworthy isn't funny)).

Well, have fun and keep up the goofiness.

Oh, one thing I tried a few years ago was to call a number of people randomly in Boston posing as a newspaper reporter from the Globe asking what was their opinion on the recent UFO sightings around town. The goal was to get enough people talking about it that I would eventually start getting people on the line who claimed to have seen the UFOs. Sadly, I'm more of an idea-guy than an actual doer, and gave up after two calls. I think it would work though. Great idea! You could always create a web page about the landing site. I'd give the address of someone I didn't care for though - They'd probably get a few visitors of the more worldly kind!

- mike hightower

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Subject: pftp

That was a pretty fun time I just had looking through your pages! I find it all hillarious. I don't think you are taking yourself seriously I never take myself seriously (if you do, I'm sorry, but it is really funny). I really liked the santa clause thing. FYI - The Santa Clause Exposed pamphlet was created in about 20 minutes. After finishing it, I read it. I was horrified that I had actually written some of the disgusting entries in the diary. I'm still considering seeking therapy over it. Keep it comming. Can't wait for an update. lestat

PS: I wish I had death threats and hate mail. It is at least better/funnier than the junk mail I get!

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From: David Hearnsberger
Subject: Fan Mail

When I first hit your page, I thought, "Great, another venting fanatic". Then I started laughing like hell and couldn't stop. Scary, too. Thanks for the mind candy. Had an idea for a product a while back. Have you seen those toilet bowl deoderizers that hang by a wire on the side of the bowl? Why not do something to make life better for people in need! Make the deoderizer in the form of Christ on a cross--keep your cammode clean, pray, and take a shit all at the same time! I'd buy it! Looking forward to your exposing Satan Clause and those goddamn elves.

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From: "Harrison, Steven P"
Subject: PFTP

I thought I would add to your virtual stack of mail concerning your PFTP site. I found it while hunting for sites on Halloween. I though it was great at first because I love any propaganda that stupidly denounces anything evil. After I read your explanations and other sections of the PFTP site I liked it even more. What a great idea. How brave you are to stick your name on something that draws fire from the nets foremost collection of loonies. Surely death threats are a sign of true artistic excellence. You think so?

But enough praise. Already?

I have seen many sites similar to your Halloween pages that are completely serious. I wonder if they get as much hate mail as you do. Do you think people would be more likely to attack an individual such as yourself than a whole church? Yes, I do. The penalty for burning down a church is much larger than the penalty for burning down my house.
Rev. Steve Harrison

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From: Glenn M Stuva
Subject: Viewer mail.

I was again revisiting your page, and decided to read some of your hate mail. It was like deja vu all over again. I've received similar mail myself. It's a bit alarming that people in this country do not appear to know the meaning of the words "satire" or "parody." I suppose if these people read Jonathon Swift's essay "A Modest Proposal," they would exclaim, "Oh, that horrible Mr. Swift. He's advocating cannabalism!" Anyway, I still admire your site. Keep up the good work. I'm in the process of totally revamping my site. Hopefully it will be introduced in mid-April.
Glenn

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From: "Mr. Blunt"
Subject: Re: Thank you

I happened to stumble on your "Halloween" link in Yahoo in order to show an extremely Christian "friend" that the pagan tradition is NOT about demonic and satanic practice. He isn't too bright and he was in the "believing" mood. When I jumped to the PFTP site I must have laughed for a half an hour.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Have you ever considered the cash value of belief? Yes, I have. But if I comment on that, I'd get an extra 200 hate mails.

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From: ansur
Subject: YOU!

You are very sick--but loads of laughs!

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To: Terri Turner
Subject: Re: LMAO

Thanks, I enjoyed your page. I am a nurse, and after a long day of misery, I NEED a good laugh--but then we trauma nurses are sick weirdos anyways... Here's one for ya? What do you think about Marylin Manson????? Get the thinking cap on...
Grinning with the National Lampoon's Vacation grin,
Sphinx

Thanks! I'm glad someone who has to look at really disgusting body organs all day long can appreciate the simplicity of my pages.

I considered doing a page like MARYLIN MANSON EXPOSED, but decided that I was more likely to be hunted down and killed by one of his followers than by any follower of Santa, Jesus, or Satan.

I just thought of a good title though:

MARYLIN MANSON - Spawn of Satan or Latent Homosexual? The pages could include copies of "stolen" letters written by Mr. Manson to his mother and to cosmetic companies asking if their products have been tested on animals. Also, sightings of him at very popular gay bars and a sighting of him and RuPaul together at a gay pride parade.

ehhhhh - I think I better leave that one to some other wacko to create .

Thanks again!
Jonathan C. Chance

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From: K Jo Garner
Subject: our office...

You have provided hours of amusement for the computer geeks here at sunsite.

Even with 2 witches, a discordian, several xtians (a catholic even!), and a couple athiests, we still found the site hilarious -- especially once we found the hate mail.

We apologize for checking the ~sandman site before sending off our hate mail... but thanks for the amusement on a Friday afternoon! Apology accepted. I'm just glad I could help take your minds off code for a while.

(We actually stayed LATE at work to read this stuff... wonders!)

Bascha, Michael, Carl, Lane, Uzoma, KellyJo, and Donald
sunSITE (USA)
http://sunsite.unc.edu

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Subject: The degradation of woman

Im all for it!!!! Its about time some of us stuck up bitches got put in our places. Ok, so I wouldnt go that far, but its true we get everything. And as far as the Wiccan and Satanist Email defenses, these people have their heads to far up their asses to notice a little good fun. If you cant laugh everyone once in awhile, may your head explode. Sorry, Im bitter.

Emily

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Subject: Funeral Arrangements

Cash, plastic, or gold bullion?

In the unfortunate event that you are killed, can we bar-b-que your remains so that we can all have a piece of you within us? Sure! I don't believe in burials anyway. I just ask that you are careful and don't over cook me. I get pretty chewy when over cooked.

Blessed Be!

Julie!

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From: "Michael G. Williams"
Subject: Propaganda for the Paranoid

Jonathan,

I must admit, I got quite a chuckle out of your site. I especially found the Halloween section amusing (I'm Wiccan). I would apologize for my fellow pagans who've been silly enough to flame you, but it isn't my fault that they don't have any sense of humor, is it? No, it sure isn't
Great work, though, your site isn't just well-designed, it's genuinely entertaining. The world is far too serious as it is--a little humor is good for all of us.

By the way, I have to say that I am *deeply* envious of you. I've never gotten a single death threat over the 'net in my *life*.

Regards,
Michael Williams

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Subject: Santa Claus Exposed

I have learnt first hand that the jolly old fat man isn't as innocent as the shopping malls lead us to believe...one christmas eve two years ago.....my rotweiller and scotch cabinet were violated by this over weight little fat fucker in his dashing candy apple red suit, when I catch him I am going to shove the cheap cd player, that cover model for weight watchers left me, up his hairy fat ass. My dog still goes into uncontrolable barking fits when he hears bells. The next time I see the little fat fuck sitting in a shopping mall I am going to drop some napome down the front of his pants...ho ho ho have a very merry christmas satan.

Crystal and Barry

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Subject: propaganda and advertising

hello...
i am doing a study on the difference between propaganda and advertising and i think that you bring up many interesting issues regarding both.
it is interesting what people assume while consuming information maybe because all of the cultural "baggage" that is carried. people also tend to form opinions before they get all of the information. i found your site very entertaining and useful to my study. i like how the people who wish to destroy you (and your site) actually add to it. please feel free to respond to this message if you have an interest in the subject of my study, i would really appreciate a dialogue with someone who has explored this issue of propaganda and advertising. thank you ron... Advertising was created by Satan himself! That's a whole different web site - sorry!!

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Subject: your page

You know my uncle, Dewey Dewey is a (dare I say it?) PAGAN friend of mine. It was he that introduced me to your page. I like your style and the content. I must say that the introduction is thought provoking and should be continued as it is.
People in America need to learn how to think for themselves, and I wish that there were more of you to do the teaching. Thank you for all that you have done.

Thank you, Jon
Thanks Jon. Tell your uncle I said HI.

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Subject: Hallowe'en WWW Page

So, I looked at your web page, sent you an (Hate) email, and showed my friend Evan your page. He giggled and I asked why. Then he explained to me what sandman on fastlane is all about.

Sorry. I'll pay attention details more in the future.

By the way.... loved Santa's diary.

julie

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Subject: The whole damn thing...

Dear Mr. Chance (if that is your REAL name),

I think your sites are a scream in general, and as an Art School Grad I never shirk away from a little info-terrorism Love that word. Though Jesus did not wink at me and I already knew about Ol' Santy Claws I don't feel rejected or sad, or even sorry for you. I think this is a cool way to tell people to LIGHTEN UP ALREADY. I suppose it's possible that these sites (particularly the HALLOWEEN one) could stir up real trouble for some folks - those bible thumpers can actually be dangerous when riled - but in general I like them.

Of course they are full of disinformation, but then that seems to be the point. I was once a witch and no, I didn't convert to Xianity but Satanism and Halloween don't have anything to do with one another except in paranoid minds. Wicca is a gentle faith (reformed of course since the sacrifice days of yore) and Satanism gets a bad rap most of the time, but then I guess you probably don't really give a shit about either one of the afforementioned faiths, even Santa Clause I respect anyone's right to worship any god(dess) they wish as long as they respect my right not to. Oh, well, nothin' I can do about it I guess. Hope you get ashes and switches for Xmas and yummy treats on Halloween. I don't know if this counts as a "flame" letter or fan mail. Hmmm...you decide. Look where I put you
If you wish, E-mail me at AOL. -Red Angus. If not, don't.

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Subject: THIS IS A STUPID, STUPID WORLD

Isn't it reassuring to know that stupid, stupid people can go to a simple animated gif and find enlightenment and life-changing cults?
Ugg! Well, nice job on your page, but it's depressing to know what a stupid, stupid world this is.
Sean

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Subject: a pat on the back

It's really amazing how quick people are to jump to conclusions isn't it? I am a pagan and I saw the Halloween page, at first I was offended, but I payed attention to the fine print and realized it is all disinformative propaganda.
Too bad more people don't realize this. I actually think it's kind of funny, when I read the hate mail you got, how my so called fellow "pagans" can say those kinds of things to anyone. I don't agree with the Halloween article, but you do have the right to put it on the web, for whatever reason. And because you did it for the reason you did, to show how gullible and hateful people really are, I applaud you. Good job! :) THANKS!
ScaredPine

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Subject: your www site

Well...I read through all the stuff on here. Some of it made me laugh. Most of it is completly wrong. I understand why people were sending ya all that hate mail... they just get offended too easily. But what scared me was the death threats, curses, and the people who are Jesus freaks...

-- A Wiccan who found the site amusing

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Subject: Interesting...

Hey Jonathon,

I wrote yesterday and today have decided to do a little (not much) back pedaling. Part of me had a feeling that your Halloween story was B.S. put there to possibly prove a point. But I guess I enjoy the feeling of being able to speak my mind or maybe I just like hearing the sound of my voice (or the sound of the words I write). Anyway, yes you are right. People are very judgemental. And yes, people do need to educate themselves more to the world around them. There are people out there that probably should open their minds to everything that the world has to offer.

However, I am a little disappointed. Part of me wanted you to believe the words you were saying so that I could feel some satisfaction in trying to help someone learn more about the world. Oh well. Thanks for the reality check. You're welcome and thank you for the kind words.

Tamara :)

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Subject: it appears i have fallen into the trap...

Do you ever get the feeling you have done something stupid...Usually right after I get out of bed
Well now that i have gone and seen numeorus examples of the kind of letter i wrote about your sight i would just like to be the first to admit that i was compleatly wrong Sorry to tell you - You are NOT the first.... you are right about all the hard headed people out there and i know that by writing this letter i leave myself open to more of the same poking fun at me i felt i should write one more time just to say at least i didn't curse you and that you might want to add a link on the center for the easly offended for people who at least realized that what they fell into this trap... I usually put them here, if they are nice about it.
--The Cow--

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Subject: This will fall under fan mail, I am sure...

I read your Halloween site...A friend suggested it...
I am quite glad he did...At very first, I was laughing because I encounter beLIEfs like that each day, and find them very funny...later, though, I realized the humour...and laughed more...Great job there...
Sterling Rose...

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Subject: Halloween

Your page on Halloween in excellent! I especially like the bony hand that you click to go to the next page That's my favorite part too!. Nice layout. Very humorous!
-- En nefer-en-ka,
VonDraco

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Subject: Yeah!

I dig it. Great!
Marcelo

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Subject: Just One of the Masses...
Hey Mr. Chance, just thought I'd tell you how neat-o you are. And well, that's pretty much all I have to say.
Thanks - I think Lisa EVerlasting

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Subject: thanks!

I'd just like to say thanks for keeping people "on their toes" and making them think a bit. Unfortunately it seems most are jumping to conclusions and making assumptions, probably due to their poor reading skills learned in the dreaded public schools!! Perhaps these people should lower their noses and take a look at what is right under them! I guess it's true, sometimes you can't see the forest for the trees. Amen

Thanks Again,
A Born Again Pagan!!

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From: Bob
Dear John,

I can't believe the kind of response that you get from some of the morons that write to you. I'll admit I thought most of what you wrote was stupid and mindless crap before I read the mail that followed it up.

I have an idea to use for propaganda. I know it is a little corny and has been done on other platforms before, but I really think it could work. Alien abductions have been in the media a lot, and I really think that you could get a lot of people going with it. I think that something along the lines of: 1) there have already been billions of abductees, 2) you could have been one of them and not even know it 3) make a list of signs that you may have been abducted yourself 4)abductions have been occuring throughout time 5)abductions are the reason we have five fingers. Or something to a similar affect. Hope you like my idea.
Bob Outa fear of the MIBs, I shy away from the UFO stuff. Okay, not really.

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I was starting my research and fieldwork for a paper I am writing in my folklore class on Halloween when I found your Halloween and other websites. Your site just goes to show how the urban myth is spred and your mail reflects that people will always hear what they want to hear.
A student at UND-GF.

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I thought your web site was very entertaining. It`s also educating showing the ways people jump to conclusions and interpret what they read. The e mail you receive is amazing. There are enough ignorant people out there!
Thanks, Tom

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I was going to write a message to tell you that the P.F.T.P. page is fantastic. I was going to say that it is a witty and intelligent statement about free speech. I was going to say that the unsuspecting Internet community deserved to have more pages like yours unleashed upon it. I was going to say "keep 'em coming!" Then I saw the immense volume of fan mail you had already received, so I figured my mail would get buried amongst the lot of it, and would probably never even get read, so I decided not to send the letter after all.

Uh, wait a minute.....
Steve Gibbons

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I am busting a gut! This is truly, truly TRULY the funniest think I've ever seen. It makes me embarassed to be a human being. Man, I love Holoween. Chill. . .

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You got me. :) Maybe if I was in a less pugnatious mood. It looks so much like the stuff that Bob Larson actually puts out that it's hard not take it as being serious. Cool stuff.

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Excellent work. Keep it up. It's amazing how many people don't take the time to thouroughly examine what they read. I probably wouldn't if I didn't know about your site before. Anyways, you're performing a great public service. What a nice birthday present! can't wait for the X-Mas page. y'know, Santa - Satan, hmm!
It's up and running!

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Hi!
I just wanted to drop a line and say you are full of sheer, inspired brilliance.

I am firmly convinced that the image of Jesus really did wink at me, it was not just an illusion. In fact, when I saved it and took it apart in GifBuilder, my faith was only reinforced a thousandfold!

Oh, I checked out Greg & Ruth Bittner's web page; they both seem like fine, decent, wholesome individuals. I'd better send them a Tarantino video.

Keep up the great work - I can only hope more people will read it and realize how often we run at full tilt over intellectual teflon.
Be good and listen to Moxy Fruvous!
- The Mighty Flying Nickster

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We were sitting around listening to some Sabbath tunnes one evening when we searched for demonic and came up with your page.And We'd just like to tell you and all the other LOW-LIFE ARROGANT BASTARDS out there that we think you should write some more educational literature! We think you rock! (Insert obnoxious comment here) It's surprising how many satanists there are in the world, in fact I'm sitting next to one right now; according to your halloween thingamajigger. (Those signs of satanism that you wrote) My friend next to me corresponds to all of the criteria. But naturally, he won't admit to anything in particular. For your next informative article, you should write something along the lines of a conspiracy between the major powers of the world and God.
In closing:I think that you're a freak (although you may not be) and that's just fine with me.

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From: Ian Dorion
You had me going for a minute. I thought P.F.T.P. stood for Poor Fucking Trinity Protester.
Ian

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From: Dave Lerner

I have to say your site is one of the most truly refreshing sites on the internet. I work as a web designer, so I see all the mediocre stuff all the time. After reading the wacko mail... I think you should do a setion on gun advocacy stating all the benefits of shooting people... ie: if you see a kid you don't know standing in your yard you should shoot him because he might be a satanist placing a curse on your house ;) type thing. Or advocate schools should have classes on shooting guns, and wearing a gun to school should be required for kids for purposes of protection.
GREAT IDEA! LOL!
Keep up the good work!
Dave Thanks!

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From: "Kathryn Tewson"

Okay -- I admit it -- you had me going with the Halloween site. I'm pagan, and I was researching anti-Wiccan bigotry when I found your site. It so closely resembles so much of the real thing, I'd bookmarked it for research purposes . . . until I saw the "Propaganda for the Paranoid" at the last page.

It's still bookmarked. This is hysterical AND informative. I've always believed that people should examine closely the material they read, but you made the point far better than I could.

The hate mail was amusing, too . . . it kind of frustrates me that so many Pagans can be so unobservant about the stuff they read, but oh well.

Keep it up! Perhaps future sites could include an expose' of anti-homosexual propoganda or something.
--Kathryn Tewson

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From: Steven Joseph Strey

i think that your pages are truly funny...your responses to the hate mail made my piss my pants laughing! keep up the good work

...some people are total focking psycho, eh?
truly entertained,
steve strey

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From: Isis

I was searching for a pic of a "chaos ankh" when i came across your "occult symbols page"... Fortunately i took the time to find out where the pages were coming from before i went and flamed you to death ;) The nice little "wiccan curses" some people sent you amused me highly... If you'd like i could send you a few of my scanned religious pamphlets (real ones... depicting various cartoon scenes of children burning in hell ;) and one put out by the NRA) that i picked up on teh way to NYC... I love the pages, keep up the good work ;) are you perchance a discordian?
Yes, I am. Glad you like em!
Isis-

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From: "MOE"

I am Jonathan's brother, and trust me, "He is one sick sum bitch".
This actually is from my brother. He knows me pretty well, wouldn't you say?

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From: Ed Mercure
Subject: EVIL- DIE- BURN- DEATH- FLAMES

Hi,

Liked your Halloween page, pretty scary stuff. I always back up a level to see the real source of any page I'm reading. ;) I'm going to include your Halloween page in our links section.
Thanks! I encourage everyone to link to the Propaganda page they enjoy most.
BTW, did you know that Satan has his own nuclear powered submarine? This is true, we have a link to it in our "Links involving 666" section. (good for a laugh.)
666.Sandman!
Anti-Pope of the666! (a Quake clan)
"the few, the cruel, the666!"

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From: Nixies

Not too much to say here. I just thought I'd let you know that I really got a kick out of your page. Like everyone else I freaked in the beginning but when I read the end I laughed. And when I read your hate mail I laughed even harder. I think you are very clever and very humorous. I am new to this computer thing(We've only had it for a month) And I haven't really explored much on the internet but I came across your page and I must say you are terrific. Keep up the good work! And thanx for bringing a smile to my face.........:o)

love,
Jessica
Thanks Jessica! Welcome to the wonderful world of the World Wide Web! You find plenty of wacky stuff to read here!

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From: DaWalrus

The Halloween page is very funny. Its funny how stupid Xtians believe that stuff and how they think Witches and Satanists are evil.
thanks for entertaining me when I was bored.
Glad I could be of service!

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From: C Mestre
Subject: still laughing...

man, you've got one helluva great web-site! everything i read made me laugh- i guess i was lucky enough to see the humour in it all. after reading some of the hate mail and death threats you got i started laughing even harder- ignorance is sooo bliss, n'est pas? keep up the great work!

--cory

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From: dragon

This was such a wonderful way to end a hard day at work. I have been Laughing Out Loud and can't seem to stop. These pages are great. I really liked the Santa pages, reminded me of the book "Santa's evil twin" by Dean Koontz. Very good. And the e-mail you get about the Halloween pages, a riot. Some people just don't have a funny bone now do they. I must remember to go home tonight and tell my 3 cats, 1 dog, and my wifes pigeon to pack their bags and hit the road. Also, must remember to wear that bath robe to bed more offten. Don't want to be mistaken for something I'm not.

This is some of the most fun you can have on the web. Keep up the good work. And oh yes, Lovecraft is a much better author the King.

Karl E. Taylor

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From: mantonel

Hello.
Your page is a marvelous example of sarcasm and satire. Being Pagan, I even thought that the Halloween pamphlet was funny. (some of us have a sense of humor) Would you be interested in receiving some pamphlets of propaganda from the locals in Mississippi for your collection?
still laughing.....
Mary K. Antonelli

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From: Jeff Williams

I saw a reference to your halloween page in an irate posting on alt.magick and had to check it out. As I read it I found myself wondering "Is this for real or is it a put-on?" I seemed almost too closed-minded to have actually come from a serious source. I was delighted to discover your "propoganda for the paranoid" endeavor! What a great idea! Reading your hate mail was great fun. It's interesting (and I think revealing - I'm not sure of what) to see how quick people are to assume thay understand the motivations and the beliefs of others.

If you're trying to keep the existence of the PFTP page invisible to those who read the other propoganda pages why do you include a link? Come to think of it, with that link there, how is it that anyone who reads the propoganda and becomes so upset that they have to send you a message misses the fact that its meant to "push their buttons"? They must be so blinded by their fury that they can't or won't see what's in front of them.
Keep up the good work!

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From: Vinnie Chassot

Wow. I knew it was easy to sound like one of the driviling , but you do it so...authentically. Thanks for the adreniline rush (from setting up the email addy to ICBM coordinate converter)
And the cutting down of the ego. Love the site.
Wish I had thought of it first.
Hey, would you take some ideas? YES maybe even an article? YES! If you've got ideas or articles to submit - Please do so!

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From: Russ Williams

Great concept, great execution! I'd like to see what you can do with alien abductions, the Holocaust, or racial or national stereotypes -- perhaps an American Traveler's Guide to Europe (or Foreign Traveler's Guide to America...._that_ would hurt!!).

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From: JEMountjoy

Your pages are really funny. Fuck all the people that can't take a joke. What is up with those wacky ass fucks anyways? Humor is humor.....fuck 'em. Give all of the people who write you hate mail and death threats my e-mail address and I will help to enlighten them on how shallow their lives are! If they don't like what they read, they can take a fucking hike, preferably off of a cliff. Keep it up!!!!!

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"Eclipse T'set Zar" writes:
Your page is an intelligence test, and I'm glad I passed... I admit, I was taken in at first, but the bit at the end...Oh my. I'm thinking you should make it larger, you know. I worry about those people who believe it, and the death threats to you.

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J B Bell writes:

I must admit, you had me totally fooled up until the end. Nicely done, speaking as one who's studied similar, more sincerely felt propaganda from many sources. Of course, the good layout really should have clued me in that it wasn't a moronic, bigotted site, but rather a clever joke. People who want to witch-hunt those they disagree with into extermination rarely have good HTML skills. I guess fanaticism and professionalism just don't go together.

A note, though it's probably unnecessary: you mention about "both sides" of the Satanism issue; no study by a reputable authority has ever found a greater propensity for crime among Satanists or indeed any other minority religion. I think as an example of the sad extremes people go to when they think before they act, and as you say, assume too much, a good read is _Satanic Panic_. It's by Victor Jeffries, an anthropologist who specializes in rumor-panics. Another excellent book is _In Search of Satan: Law Enforcement and the Occult_, by Robert D. Hicks, who used to work for the FBI. This latter book's court transcripts are particularly chilling.

It would be a better world indeed if people looked twice before jumping to judgment. The PFTP credit in your pieces is perhaps the ultimate unchecked footnote.

--Rev. J B Bell

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Steven Graziano writes:

Are you Dead?

Hey! It's after Nov. 28th! I wanna learn about Santa Claws!

Very cool site, I hope you keep going with it, it's fun! educational! and goes well with cookies and milk!

Anyway, keep up the great work, I hope you DONT die!

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Cyndre Forester writes:

Greets....

I just wanted to thank you for all the silliness posted...I smirked all the way through it, and just imagined all the "holier-than-thou" Wiccans out there foaming at the mouth.. I am Pagan, and I found it extremely hilarious, especially all the hate mail and such..Gadzooks, some people need to lighten up just a wee bit.

Thanx again for the giggles!

Cyndre Forester

"Go Raibh Mile Maith Agat!

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"As I was reading your pages, I was all set up to try to find your e-mail address and really let you know what a sorry, pathetic life you must live. That is, until I got to the last page and noticed there was more to it than first observed. The "Propaganda For The Paranoid" was an exquisite touch. I about laughed my bum off when I saw that."
-C. Hortin

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"My thought to you is in compliment for making me think, reason and attempt to NOT judge. Thanks, it was Great!"
-Maureen Kelley

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"We were looking for info on Halloween tradions and folklore an stummbled on your page. We were so outraged that we were determined to send you hate mail at the end, but then discovered we had taken the bait hook, line and sinker. Wow, do I feel foolish! This is a great concept!"
-Ken and Jake

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Just saw the Halloween pages. Neat joke, dude. I think there are waaaaay too many people out there (Christians and Pagans alike) who take themselves far too seriously. Perhaps it's because I am currently "between religions" at the moment (coming from a Conservative Baptist home and having several close friends who are active Pagans/Witches) that I can sit back and see this page for what it is, and what you intended it to be. After all, if we can't laugh at ourselves, who can we laugh at?

Congratulations, and I hope no one really follows through on those death threats.

PS: Sorry if it failed to piss me off. :)

Ben Morgan

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I loved it!!!And the fact that the huddled(black?)masses didnt made it all the funnier!!If you ever get the Xmas page up(that X oughta stir up some conflict)I'm going to use it as my opening page.If you get any really worthwhile curses,email me.I have a boss that needs straightening out!

Blaine Cash

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Hi...I am really not too sure who you are....but I got onto your "Halloween" webpage...the one about "Childrens carefree night or ...." something or another anyway...at first I was VERY upset...for I am of the Wiccian religon and all that crap is so totally wrong...THEN..I read the info about the group that did the page...and I just busted out laughing!!
It was great!! So sarcastic..now that I think about it! I thought to myself when I was on the page..."How could someone be so backwards and midevil in their thinking!" then... when I realized it was sarcastic...It was so funny!! Anyway...just wanted to let you know that I got a laugh out of it!! Thanks for the entertainment!! Yes...we Witches do have a sense of humor!!
Take care!!

Angie Severt

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Very good stuff, all around, Mr. Chance (and a good name, too)!!

You "got" me, too, at first. But then I saw what you were trying to do. A stroke of genius and courage that I can't help but admire.

Keep up the thought-provocation!

-Natalie

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Bravo on giving ALL a chance to show their ignorance. Fortunately, I heard about your page before reading, or I too may have been one of the suckers. Here's hoping you get a chance to put that marvelous writing talent and wit to use--but use it for good, not evil . *And as a real Glenda, we hereby remit all the curses! May no houses fall on your sisters.....

Jean Webb

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Repent you child of Satan, embrace Jesus and all his glory and the glory of his name. Renounce Satan and all his demons, renounce LUCIFER and his minions. Embrace the universal religion of christianity, see the light and touch Jesus.

Had you fooled for a while? hehe, (I guess not :) I read your Halloween, propaganda page, and was almost completely fooled (but in a good way).
For a little while I thought you were the re-encarnation of Senator Mcarthy, and was about to send you a lenghty hate email, until I read the bottom. It was extremely weird, I think that we should all examine what we read more closely, you made your point in a very very good way. I also read the hate mail and the death threats you got, I knew there were a lot of wakos out there, but I never imagined that they were that eloquent (yeah right). People take things far too seriously. Im catholic and in no way did I feel offended by the winking Jesus, it's obiously not done with blasphemous intent, but I guess common sense has all but dissapeared from these people.

thanks for the lesson, and please have the Santa Claus thing up soon.

From: Patricio Lopez

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Wow,

I can't believe how many people seemed to take this seriously. Some of the letters seemed to be return jokes -- suckling Satan through red and white stripe bendy-straws? (Yes, I know I paraphrased).

Those supposed "white-magick" witches need a sense of humor. God, I hate those whinebags. Get a real cause! "witches aren't satanists, whine, whine, whine...leave us alone, stop picking on us!" Morons.

Yeah, I'm just another wacko. But at least I have a sense of humor.

Now, finish that Santa page!

-Andrea

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Dear Jonathan,

salutes on a great site! Loved the interactiveness and humor of it all. You are dangerous, be careful. Greetings, Helmut Should you be so inclined, I would invite you to visit my comic strip Cats & Dogs. Yes, disillusionment comes fast and easy at the New-Age ashram they operate. You thought disillusionment was bad? See you already had one!

From: Defender

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I came across this page while searching for information on Halloween. I don't have too much to say about the "winking Jesus" for I am a Christian and I find that rather distasteful Really? , even thought it wasn't near as bad as some things I have seen. BUT- the Halloween message had me rolling in the floor! And yes you had me going until I saw the "Propaganda for the Parnoid" at the end. I can't wait to see "Santa Claus Exposed!"

C. Connor

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Mr.Chance,

I wrote you yesterday, but for some reason I decided to go back over your site. And I am glad I did because actually I find what you have done rather amusing. Interesting, huh? You seem to be putting things down. But actually all you are doing is saying is think before you judge.
Well you made me think.

Shadow

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John,

Twisted, perverted.....neat and clever! Keep it up

A Fellow Cowtonian and Paranoid

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Concerning the Miraculous Winking Jesus


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"This is a pathetically cruel and unusual way to really screw with the hopeless and stupid people on the internet. We like it!"

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"This is the funniest page i've seen in a LONG time."

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"What complete mindless drivel. If I wanted to see such crap, I would surf the web or someth...Er...Good site."

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Copyright © 1996-2007 Propaganda For The Paranoid