On April 23, of this year, I received the actual diary of Santa Claus from an extremely reliable and highly confidential source. This diary contains Santa's personal thoughts, fantasies, and actions for all of last year.
After reading this diary, I could only come to one conclusion. Santa is NOT the jolly, loving, gift giver we have been raised to believe. In reality, Santa is a twisted pedophile who indulges in alcohol, drugs, and the occult.